Sharpening Occam’s Razor
You should by now be familiar with the philosophy of Occam’s razor, the theory that states all things considered, the simplest explanation is probably the right one.
However, what most people aren’t familiar with is that Trevor Occam, former real estate mogul to the stars, often cut himself shaving with his now famous razor. This was not due to what most people believed to be carelessness (the simplest explanation), but rather a series of strange events which led to the opening of a nebular wormhole linking our universe with three parallel universes eventually absorbing Occam’s soul and Albania’s entire supply of carob. It is believed that Trevor Occam actually invented his razor theory in an effort to hide his embarrassing shaving mishaps and accidental threats to existence.
Needless to say he was also a vocal opponent to all brands of aftershave.
Relative Theorising
The theory of relativity was Einstein’s ode to his relatives, focusing in particular on his immediate family. Einstein’s genius is exemplified by his theory’s clever combination of explaining how his brother Norman Einstein could walk through a crowded hotel gathering unnoticed, while simultaneously positing that space and time can bend like a wobble board.
In 1910 when Albert attempted to tell his Uncle Stan about how light can bend around an object, how space is elastic and how two O’clock can be twelve o’clock if you squint, Uncle Stan quickly slapped him around the head and neck, and aggressively asked for egg salad. Einstein’s mother and father were largely indifferent to Albert’s theories, whereas his cousin Helen was often found blowing her nose in Connecticut.
Albert’s Uncle Stan went on to an illustrious career as metaphysics teacher until he was caught in bed with one of his pupil’s imaginary friends. He now screams obscenities at strangers from the steps of the public library at the ripe old age of 140.
